I woke from a dream today
Site of the Blue Rocks project 22 years after restoration work my work contributed to initiating in 2002.
There is a new landmark legal ruling:
Slowly but surely, a culture of impunity is being dismantled as though we might all be waking from a bad dream. This despite every effort on the part of the dominant culture of capitalism and extraction to continue to run rampant.
As an artist, one way I've internalized the values that perpetuate what I resist is to expect constant productivity from myself. When I fail at my own perfectionistic standards, I can often feel guilty, shamed and defensive (although as I get older that's less true). But productivity as a measure of success is not only unrealistic but inhumane and contradicts all the values my entire career has unpacked. The evidence, is that this is my first blog post since last August, when I previewed the Blued Trees opera.
I woke from a dream today, that a young man, who was an animator, took an interest in the books I've published over the years and offered to create a film about the projects they represented. When I woke and turned on the radio, someone from the film industry was being interviewed who said in passing, "you have to be a workaholic to succeed because it's so competitive." Before she died, I asked Carolee Schneemann whether she thought it was possible to succeed as an artist w/out being a workaholic. She didn't skip a beat before answering, "no."
What if my dream is prophetic? That good things, things I might label "success," can happen without killing myself or anyone or anything else? Maybe the win for Swiss women is about saying enuf is enuf and we can't carry on with impunity?
Yesterday, I was just too tired to get much work done. Really, I've felt tired all year since the preview for the Blued Trees opera. I've been trying hard to have a normal life that isn't workaholic. I don't know if it's possible. Meanwhile, many little things are starting to go wrong in my body as it ages that will each require little surgeries, and the attendant down time of recovery, like a knee. That may also cut into my productivity. I remember a story from someone about a famous woman artist I know attending an art event even tho she was bleeding heavily from something. At the time, I took it as an admonition: "kill yourself but show up."
I define success as achieving my creative goals, paying my bills on time and taking care of myself, which includes a large measure of personal joy. Really, that's a lot to ask and it is contingent on some substantial professional competence and perhaps even some modest business sense. Sometimes I fear professional "success" as an artist has nothing to do with creativity or luck. It's just an athletic event. The cash and prizes go to whomever has the most stamina and stubbornness to carry on no matter what injuries are suffered.
Last week I sent an eBlast announcing two new group shows that didn't require me to almost kill myself but still have great work in them:
The Exquisite River
Opening this month at the Ely Center for Contemporary Art:
I was excited to announce my participation in Think About Water (TAW) friends for the "Exquisite River," show at the Ely Center for Contemporary Art which opened last weekend:
https://elycenter.org/think-about-water-exquisite-river
I also learned my work will be coming soon in:
Life on Earth: Art & Ecofeminism
I was beyond thrilled to announce that I will have a lot of work in this show with LAXArt (Physical Education, Ghost Nets, Blue Rocks and perhaps an excerpt from the Blued Trees opera). After opening in LA, it will travel to the Hague next year!
Finally, last night I was also excited to learn that the copyright lawyer, Gale Elston https://galepelstonpc.com/gale-p-elston-founding-partner/, who coordinated the 2018 mock trial for The Blued Trees Symphony has completed her new book on art and law, which will include writing about my own work.
So maybe the relentless drive to succeed I have always accepted for myself and the world, is neither inevitable nor required. Maybe the proscription to kill myself with like a knee productive overdrive was a bad dream all along that I am awakening from. Perhaps, like me, the Earth may recover from a drive towards putative "success" if we can start setting more boundaries on behavior that has gone on with impunity for too long.